To Blog or Not to Blog?...That is the question.

When I was in 6th grade my mother gave me a diary for my 6th grade choral concert. I still have that diary upstairs. It's a time capsule of my thoughts from the time I was 10 till almost my 21st birthday. It is a glimpse into the girl I was, and the woman I would become. Strangely, when the pages ran out I got another diary. In the 10 years I've had it, I've written only of major events like the time I met my husband, our first kiss, the moment we got engaged, the weddings of my siblings, my wedding, the news I was going to be an aunt, and the news I was going to be a mother. Since I had Zach two years ago I think I have opened the diary once or twice,(Of course one of those times was to report I was pregnat with Matt) and each time I wonder why do I continue to write?

Writing is such a cathartic process for me. I've written letters I've never sent, to the men that broke my heart, and reminders and reflections of where I've been so I can learn from them. I've written lists of goals for my life, I've written poems, and stories, and a thousand comments on my students' papers. During both of my pregnancies, I wrote journals to my sons, and every year for their birthdays I will write them letters from my heart. I treasure words the way an archaeologist might revel in their latest find, and for a similar reason. By reading words from the past, we find value in the present and hope for the future. Corny, maybe...but words are powerful.

When I think of what words have given me, I want to sit down, write a book, enlighten others, and earn the distinction of a voice worthy to be remembered. In a way, isn't that what we all want, to be heard, to be valued, knowing that what we gave in our time here was worthy of remembering. So what does this have to do with blogging? Well...my husband asks me, why do you write? No one is leaving you comments?

And I guess if I was writing to merit comments, I would probably have given up long ago. I do have some loyal followers, mostly people who have come to me through writing, ironically, people who I've never even met, and yet our words serve as our connection. I don't market my blog, I don't tell all my family and friends about it, in fact many of my closest friends, colleagues, and family members don't know the address. In a way it is my diary now. A place I go to voice my thoughts, my memories so that one day if I can't remember anymore, I can go to this archive and see my sons as boys, know what I was thinking, feeling, marveling at. I want to remember that even though I am at home, instead of in my classroom, I am learning, and teaching not only my children but myself as well. Of course I hope at some point that the people who come to my blog find connection to my words, to my journey, to my story because I know that blogging and reading blogs has only confirmed for me that words have the power to connect us all.

So to blog or not to blog? Well... maybe not every day, maybe not forever, but definitely for now.