Fool me twice...

Some days I am just clueless. I don't mean to sound down on myself, but sometimes I am just plain dumb. Sometimes I am a victim of circumstance, sometimes a victim of my own nuerosis.

Last week, on a cool almost fall morning, I followed Wayne out the door, carrying Matthew in my arms. I wanted to give my hubby another kiss, to see him off to work, and to have Matt practice waving bye-bye. Zach remained inside, snuggling on the couch with his apple juice and "marshmellows"(Lucky Charms cereal). As Zach enjoyed his morning shows, Matt and I looked at the leaves changing on the trees in the forest across the street, as Wayne pulled out of the driveway. I hurried back to the door into the house, because I was barefoot, and it was only 55 degrees out. I turned the handle....LOCKED! I couldn't believe it, at first my mind raced, How was the door locked? Did Zach lock the door? Had Wayne? Holy Sh*t! I ran frantically down the driveway, arriving just in time to see Wayne's vehicle turning right onto the main road. I became a little panicked. I was locked out, my toddler was locked in. What was I going to do? It was 7:40 in the morning, I didn't have a cell phone, I didn't have an extra set of keys. So, I did the logical thing, I rang the doorbell. Sure Amy, Zach is going to come to the front door and open it and say "Hey Mom what are you doing, come in..." Heck no, he doesn't know how to open the deadbolt...or at least I'm praying he doesn't. I tote Matt across the morning grass to a back window and peer in. Zach is oblivious to the fact that I am missing. You have to love TV for that power at a time like this, and I think what can I do? Obviously I need to call Wayne to come home. Obviously I need a phone to do this. Thankfully my cousin lives in the neighborhood. Family is good...in this case priceless. I put Matt in the stroller and run to her house, the school bus zooming by as I run up the block. I make it to her door, ring the bell and wait. Her sons' faces pop up in the sidelights and the front door opens to my cousins' wide eyed faced, already worried that I have some horrid news. She takes my frazzled face in, my sweats, and my bare feet, as I am pushing my way into her house, explaining I need to use her phone stat. She looks at me perplexed, I am not making sense, and she reminds me Matt is still outside in the stroller. No mother of the year award for me again. I dial. Wayne answers. I explain. I am locked out. He asks, "Are you serious?" I reply "Yes" He say he's coming. I thank Shannon and make my way past her in a blur. She says, "Can I at least get you some shoes?" and I say, "No thanks" I have to get back, Z is alone inside." Matt and I race back again, trek across the grass, and look in the window. Zach is still safe in his oblivion and I look at Matt and think Thank God you are with me, I would be breaking a window to get in for sure if you weren't. I wait, as patiently as I can the 6 minutes it takes for Wayne to arrive. He shakes his head and laughs. We both discuss the need to hide a key. Life goes on.

Fast foward to today. My sister comes for a visit. I put the boys down for a nap before she leaves. (Zach probably would have still been up, but he and Jack we not listening, so he was sent to bed early) Jack holds the door to the garage from the house open, as Lisa carries Emma out. I think, I'll go get the mail, and squeak by. I help load Jack into the car, grab the mail, and wave goodbye to my sister as she pulls out. I go to open the door into the house...LOCKED! HOLY CRAP! I run down the driveway, after the car, just in time to see Lisa SUV turning right. I am dumbstruck. What do I do? It's the middle of the day, my husband is who knows where working on the road, I glance up the road to my cousins' her car is gone, I'm screwed. I attempt to break in with a piece of cardboard...isn't their some sort of credit card trick. No good. After 10 minutes of futile efforts I realize I am going to need to find help. So which one of my lucky new neighbors am I going to approach, shoeless again, to tell them my cronic need for safety has lead me to locking myself out and my two young, sleeping thank God, children in? Its the middle of the day, my options are limited. I look about, to see some lansdcaping guys planting trees. Guys at work= guys with cell phones. I approach them and explain my situation. I am a moron I say, I've locked myself out of my house. I need to get in. I have kids. Sure they say. I can tell they think I am an idiot too. I don't care, I am, but I am also a desperate mother who only has until nap time ends to make it back into that house. I call Wayne. He doesn't answer. Panic. I call again, rings to voicemail, better. I call his work, someone answers, Brad. Is Wayne there? Yeah, he's on the phone. I think he's always on the phone, I say, "This is his wife, its an emergency." Brad gets Wayne. I say simply, "I'm locked out again, you need to come home!" Wayne replies, "You know what I am going to say right?" I say, "Yeah." He say,"Where are the boys?" Sure that is logically what he was going to say, I thought he was going to say, Amy what are you a moron, how did that happen again, and where is the key you were going to hide last week so this never happened again?" Apparently, the Wayne in my head agrees with the Amy in my head, and the Wayne on the phone was much more focused. "They are asleep, you need to come home now!" We hang up. I thank the guys and think, Well at least they will have a funny story to tell tonight when they get home. I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning the garage, watering plants, and putting my ear to the door, as if I could hear Matt if he was crying. I am thankful they are safe, contained in the crib and room, and that my white knight is on his way. He arrives, shakes his head. I say, "I know." I go to get the extra keys. I can't find them. Guess what, Wayne finds them in a box in the garage.

Irony...you have to embrace it!