Time...

Time is really frustrating. If you have too much of it on your hands things seem dull and listless, if you have too little of it, you feel overwhelmed. Time is happening, even as I type this, and inevitably time sucker punches you.

Take for example the fact that my 32nd birthday is weeks away. 32 years...not a lot by some standards, and yet really "old" to others. How did I get to be 32? I ask my Mom, she doesn't know, I ask my Dad, he isn't sure either. My sister, my brother, my husband, all of them aren't sure where the time has gone. True, they are all older than me so they might be getting senile...just kidding, but seriously, in the scheme of my life....I'm closer to the half way mark than the beginning, and well that is a little scary.

Time is sucking things up left and right. I have plans for the summer, but before I've accomplished half of them, fall is settling in. I have so much I want to do with the boys in the morning, but by bedtime I realized we never did get to read that book, play with play-doh or go for a walk. I plan on organizing my closet, reading a book, or planning a date night, but the month just came and went. In all that time, I look back and I wonder why does it move so darn quick when you want it to slow down and so slow when you want it to speed up?

You know those times too, the times when you feel really sad or embarrassed, when you recite that "all things heal in time". I am not sure I believe that, I remember moments from decades ago that still sting when recollected. I am sure that many of the days I am living now are flying past and that they will be days I want to savor in the future. Moments of watching my sons interact together with cooes and hugs and sentences that make me giggle with the sweet simplicity and innocence of them. I am sure I will want to remember Wayne's excitement at getting his riding lawnmower, and his humorous obsession with the landscaping. I am sure I will want to remember my hair, brown through and through before gray creeps in, and my wrinkles get deeper.

I am sure that time, is moving, even as I write this.

Time brings with it so many discoveries, and takes with it so many fragments. I have decided that I love time, just as much as I hate it. I am pretty sure that time doesn't care, because in the scheme of it, I am but a breath.

So what kind of breath to be. A gasping, feel like your drowning one, an automatic one acting on autopilot, or a deep, savor the moment for as long as you can, breath. I think we walk the line...and like I said, time gives you a sucker punch, and knocks the breath out of you.

So I am choosing, at this moment in time, that I am going to be one to savor, for as long as I can, until that is of course, that time makes me forget that I made this decision. Damn you time!