Randomness of nerves...

Don't you hate being on the brink of change? It's scary. I hate it. And yet it is part of life. There is something remarkable in the human spirit that it adapts, adjusts. I am looking forward to being adapted, adjusted. Right now though, my mind races with scenarios. My world is going up in a tidal wave, and I can either ride it out, or I can be pulled under. I am intending on rising with the challenges I am facing. I am sure at times I will feel like I am drowning. Good thing God sent me such a strong support system. Sometimes I am awed by how people cope with true tragedy. I am so dramatic about minor events in the scheme of things. I think it is a curse and a blessing. A curse because my mind races and anxiety rises, a blessing because I am conscious in the moment, not blindsided by the massiveness of change.

Some changes are good. Right? Getting married. Having children. Moving into your dream home.

Some changes devastate. Losing a loved one. Losing a job. Getting ill.

Some changes, are just changes. They aren't good or bad per se, they are what you make of them. Moving to a new city. Taking a new job. Deciding where you are going to go to school.

Yet change is change, and right at the inception of that change, on the brink of the past colliding with the reality of the present there is a moment that, regardless, a sense of fear/sadness creeps in. Usually that's the moment right before you get ready to embrace the change if its for the good, or set up a game plan for the change if it isn't so great. It is a moment that take some serious soul searching, some introspection, and some bravery. It is from that brink that I write tonight, because tomorrow is a new day, a day that will have some tears, some reunions, some apprehension, and much sadness. But it is only one day. After that, when the transition starts to become routine this moment won't matter. But tonight. I have to sleep in this moment. Breathe in the moment. And stay strong in this moment. Tonight the reality of my tomorrow isn't weeks, months or years away, it is finally here.