Tonight I am so excited, after being gone for six days, Wayne is home! The past week has been hectic. Not only did I return to work after being out for 15 months, but I was also on my own every night with the kids, all night. Thanks to my parents I didn't have to drag the kids to daycare at the crack of dawn, and they ended up watching them four out of the five weekdays, so that I didn't need to add the emotional drama of that to the week. I will never forget what they did for me this week. I think one more straw might have broke this camel's back.
The idea that your partner is away on a luxury vacation while you are home manning the fort is one that most people would cringe at. The fact that technically it was called a work vacation didn't ease the bitterness I felt when he was at the pool bar and I was scrambling for sanity. I know that the week took its toll on both of us, but next time I'd rather be the one on Spring Break...ah I mean a work trip. Unfortunately I don't see an opportunity for travel in my career so I guess I will just have to hope that every once in awhile I will be able to go too, and pray that if I can't his bosses don't ask that he go. Too bad, when your boss asks you, I mean implies that you really should do something, your hands are kind of tied. I guess the fact that they are tied onto an alcoholic beverage, great food, and snokeling gear all week makes the demand a little more bearable.
I can honestly say after a week of going it on my own, with a ton of help from my family, and a lot of support from my friends, I would not want to be a single parent. This week has asked that I dig deep, and I did. I am proud of what I accomplished this week. I was not always at the top of my game, but I came out with a better understanding of who I am, even if the journey wasn't pretty sometimes. Revelations... I am capable of being on my own, but I'm thankful I'm not. I am a good teacher, and quite capable in the classroom, I love my kids, and will be thrilled once they are school aged and I don't have the mommy guilt, I am a work in progress but no matter how unpolished I am people love me through it.
I may need another week to get my head together, but I hope when I return, you will be here to share in my story.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Grateful...
Today I am grateful for the snow storm that brought me a SNOW DAY! It was so great staying home all day with my boys and taking care of them. I am grateful that tomorrow is Thursday which means we are over the hump of the week. I am grateful that everyone I love is safe no matter their location. I am grateful that the power didn't go out in this freezing weather. I am grateful that for the most part Zach and Matt are healthy. But today I am most grateful for my Mom and Dad, and you both know why. Thank you for supporting me when I needed you most, as usual! I can't wait till Super Bowl Sunday, and it is definitely not for the football!
What are you grateful for today?
What are you grateful for today?
Monday, January 31, 2011
This side of sun-up
As a SAHM, I've had the luxury or hell, of getting up when the kids do. Some mothers probably get up before their children so they can dress themselves and make themselve look presentable. I have to admit when I was at home, I didn't really see the need to apply make-up and put on a sassy outfit just to have someone wipe their hands, or nose, on it. I was not one of those fashion moms and looking back I'm glad I didn't waste the time.
Sleep. It is a word and action that all mother's crave. Sadly I will be functioning on about 2 hrs less of sleep until summer arrives, then its back to the toddler sleeping schedule. What I didn't realize when you get up at 5 in the morning is how quiet it is in the house. How you can watch DVR'd shows without interuption, and how quickly you can dress, feed yourself and be ready to be out the door. I know that as the weeks pass I will be hitting snooze more and more, getting just a little less put together one day at a time, but for today. I am marveling at this side of sun-up and thinking of a Robert Frost line, "Miles to go before I sleep..." Good luck everyone in getting through your miles today. I've got my "race" plan all set, now its just about digging in and getting it done.
Happy Monday!
Sleep. It is a word and action that all mother's crave. Sadly I will be functioning on about 2 hrs less of sleep until summer arrives, then its back to the toddler sleeping schedule. What I didn't realize when you get up at 5 in the morning is how quiet it is in the house. How you can watch DVR'd shows without interuption, and how quickly you can dress, feed yourself and be ready to be out the door. I know that as the weeks pass I will be hitting snooze more and more, getting just a little less put together one day at a time, but for today. I am marveling at this side of sun-up and thinking of a Robert Frost line, "Miles to go before I sleep..." Good luck everyone in getting through your miles today. I've got my "race" plan all set, now its just about digging in and getting it done.
Happy Monday!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
We're seeing pink...
And lots of it! The boys started back to daycare this week. They were there a total of nine hrs in two days, and BOTH of them not only have PINK eye, but Matt has a double ear infection, and Zach has a super red sore throat, terrible cough and super gross runny nose.
Isn't it funny how Matt has not been on antibiotics once in his 14 months of life, and after only two ventures into daycare, he is on a 10 day regiment. At least this explains his sour mood, and random outbursts. I thought he was just super upset about the changes in his life. Now at least I know it is a combination of at least two things. My poor baby.
Zach woke up this morning, coughing, and complaining about how he can't smell. I felt bad for my little man, who also hasn't been on antibiotics since his last forey into childcare. He looked at me and said, "I don't want to be sick, I want to be healthy!" Break my heart will you!
Aside from the round of antibiotics we are all on our way to a new normal. Once we get through the next week or two, we'll be adjusted into our new routines. I am still sad that my return to work means I won't be spending as much time with my sons, but I also know that change is part of life, and we'll get through it together.
Isn't it funny how Matt has not been on antibiotics once in his 14 months of life, and after only two ventures into daycare, he is on a 10 day regiment. At least this explains his sour mood, and random outbursts. I thought he was just super upset about the changes in his life. Now at least I know it is a combination of at least two things. My poor baby.
Zach woke up this morning, coughing, and complaining about how he can't smell. I felt bad for my little man, who also hasn't been on antibiotics since his last forey into childcare. He looked at me and said, "I don't want to be sick, I want to be healthy!" Break my heart will you!
Aside from the round of antibiotics we are all on our way to a new normal. Once we get through the next week or two, we'll be adjusted into our new routines. I am still sad that my return to work means I won't be spending as much time with my sons, but I also know that change is part of life, and we'll get through it together.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Some of the funny things in my life...
My boys crack me up. I sometimes wonder what I used to talk about/think about before they came into my life, but I have it on good authority that I had plenty to say about everything back then too!
Things that Matt does that make me smile:
I love that he is blowing kisses now. His little chubby hand reaching up and touching his lips and a smooching sound coming moments later. Usually well after his hand has left his mouth.
He makes me laugh when he picks up a ball, and looks for Lennie to come play with him. By play with him, I mean Matt holds the ball and spins in a circle while Lennie tries to take it away.
Matt throws the funniest temper tantrums. He actually tries to do a headstand in protest when he doesn't get his way. What causes Matt to have fits these days is also comical. He gets mad that he can't have Zach's cup. Even though his is a foot away, having been discarded since it is not Z's. I actually think he is just super smart and realizes that Zach's cup usually has juice, and his usually has water, and even when he gets juice, it is never as "strong" as his brothers.
Matt is such a little groover. All you have to do is turn on music and he will spin around and sway his little butt in the air. It is precious, and he is so into it, he'll actually run from another room to get to the music so he can shake his groove thing.
Even though he's one, Matt loves hide and seek. Zach isn't really original in his hideouts, so I always know he is in the playtent or under his play table. Matt lately crawls in behind him. Whereas Zach put his head down so I don't see him, Matt face always is looking out to see where I am. I can't tell you how many times I've pretended I don't see them so I can see the double dimple smile spread across Matt's face!
Which brings me to Z:
When playing hide and seek, Zach will tell you where he is hiding. He gets impatient, and if you pretend you are worried, he will call out, "I am hiding under the chairs Momma" but still remain with his head hidden. So funny.
Zach loves Superhero's and his Hulk hands. He does a special deep voice to go along with his Hulk persona.
The other day we all went to drop Wayne off to get his car from service. All of a sudden from the backseat I heard, "Mommy, we forgot Daddy." "No Zach Daddy went to get his car." "Mommy daddy doesn't have a car, we have to go back and get him."
Another really comical one was when Zach saw a picture from our wedding. He looked and me and said, "Wheres I at?" and then gasped..."Momma you forgot me" No Zach you weren't born yet. Him: "Yes I was born, in a hospital...right Mommy?"
After going to school for the 1st time the other day(I call Daycare school, it makes me feel less horrid, I also sometimes affectionately refer to it as crapcare) Zach said to me, "Mommy we left Lennie there." I said, "No Zach we left Lennie at home." Z: "We have to go get him." M: "Zach when Mommy goes to work, you and Matt will go to school and Lennie stays home." z: "But I want Lennie to come to school with me." m: "Zach Lennie can't go to your school he's a dog." z: "Well I want Lennie to go to school with his friends too. Mommy will you take Lennie to doggie school?"
However when I say, "Lennie's my boy." He says, "Lennie's not a boy, I'm a boy right Mommy!" I say, "Yes Zach, but Lennie is a boy dog." To which Zach just corrects..."No Mommy, Lennie is a dog."
I could seriously go on forever with comical conversations I have with my 3 yr old and the funny things my one year old does. So tell me readers what are some of the funny things in your life right now?
Things that Matt does that make me smile:
I love that he is blowing kisses now. His little chubby hand reaching up and touching his lips and a smooching sound coming moments later. Usually well after his hand has left his mouth.
He makes me laugh when he picks up a ball, and looks for Lennie to come play with him. By play with him, I mean Matt holds the ball and spins in a circle while Lennie tries to take it away.
Matt throws the funniest temper tantrums. He actually tries to do a headstand in protest when he doesn't get his way. What causes Matt to have fits these days is also comical. He gets mad that he can't have Zach's cup. Even though his is a foot away, having been discarded since it is not Z's. I actually think he is just super smart and realizes that Zach's cup usually has juice, and his usually has water, and even when he gets juice, it is never as "strong" as his brothers.
Matt is such a little groover. All you have to do is turn on music and he will spin around and sway his little butt in the air. It is precious, and he is so into it, he'll actually run from another room to get to the music so he can shake his groove thing.
Even though he's one, Matt loves hide and seek. Zach isn't really original in his hideouts, so I always know he is in the playtent or under his play table. Matt lately crawls in behind him. Whereas Zach put his head down so I don't see him, Matt face always is looking out to see where I am. I can't tell you how many times I've pretended I don't see them so I can see the double dimple smile spread across Matt's face!
Which brings me to Z:
When playing hide and seek, Zach will tell you where he is hiding. He gets impatient, and if you pretend you are worried, he will call out, "I am hiding under the chairs Momma" but still remain with his head hidden. So funny.
Zach loves Superhero's and his Hulk hands. He does a special deep voice to go along with his Hulk persona.
The other day we all went to drop Wayne off to get his car from service. All of a sudden from the backseat I heard, "Mommy, we forgot Daddy." "No Zach Daddy went to get his car." "Mommy daddy doesn't have a car, we have to go back and get him."
Another really comical one was when Zach saw a picture from our wedding. He looked and me and said, "Wheres I at?" and then gasped..."Momma you forgot me" No Zach you weren't born yet. Him: "Yes I was born, in a hospital...right Mommy?"
After going to school for the 1st time the other day(I call Daycare school, it makes me feel less horrid, I also sometimes affectionately refer to it as crapcare) Zach said to me, "Mommy we left Lennie there." I said, "No Zach we left Lennie at home." Z: "We have to go get him." M: "Zach when Mommy goes to work, you and Matt will go to school and Lennie stays home." z: "But I want Lennie to come to school with me." m: "Zach Lennie can't go to your school he's a dog." z: "Well I want Lennie to go to school with his friends too. Mommy will you take Lennie to doggie school?"
However when I say, "Lennie's my boy." He says, "Lennie's not a boy, I'm a boy right Mommy!" I say, "Yes Zach, but Lennie is a boy dog." To which Zach just corrects..."No Mommy, Lennie is a dog."
I could seriously go on forever with comical conversations I have with my 3 yr old and the funny things my one year old does. So tell me readers what are some of the funny things in your life right now?
Monday, January 24, 2011
Randomness of nerves...
Don't you hate being on the brink of change? It's scary. I hate it. And yet it is part of life. There is something remarkable in the human spirit that it adapts, adjusts. I am looking forward to being adapted, adjusted. Right now though, my mind races with scenarios. My world is going up in a tidal wave, and I can either ride it out, or I can be pulled under. I am intending on rising with the challenges I am facing. I am sure at times I will feel like I am drowning. Good thing God sent me such a strong support system. Sometimes I am awed by how people cope with true tragedy. I am so dramatic about minor events in the scheme of things. I think it is a curse and a blessing. A curse because my mind races and anxiety rises, a blessing because I am conscious in the moment, not blindsided by the massiveness of change.
Some changes are good. Right? Getting married. Having children. Moving into your dream home.
Some changes devastate. Losing a loved one. Losing a job. Getting ill.
Some changes, are just changes. They aren't good or bad per se, they are what you make of them. Moving to a new city. Taking a new job. Deciding where you are going to go to school.
Yet change is change, and right at the inception of that change, on the brink of the past colliding with the reality of the present there is a moment that, regardless, a sense of fear/sadness creeps in. Usually that's the moment right before you get ready to embrace the change if its for the good, or set up a game plan for the change if it isn't so great. It is a moment that take some serious soul searching, some introspection, and some bravery. It is from that brink that I write tonight, because tomorrow is a new day, a day that will have some tears, some reunions, some apprehension, and much sadness. But it is only one day. After that, when the transition starts to become routine this moment won't matter. But tonight. I have to sleep in this moment. Breathe in the moment. And stay strong in this moment. Tonight the reality of my tomorrow isn't weeks, months or years away, it is finally here.
Some changes are good. Right? Getting married. Having children. Moving into your dream home.
Some changes devastate. Losing a loved one. Losing a job. Getting ill.
Some changes, are just changes. They aren't good or bad per se, they are what you make of them. Moving to a new city. Taking a new job. Deciding where you are going to go to school.
Yet change is change, and right at the inception of that change, on the brink of the past colliding with the reality of the present there is a moment that, regardless, a sense of fear/sadness creeps in. Usually that's the moment right before you get ready to embrace the change if its for the good, or set up a game plan for the change if it isn't so great. It is a moment that take some serious soul searching, some introspection, and some bravery. It is from that brink that I write tonight, because tomorrow is a new day, a day that will have some tears, some reunions, some apprehension, and much sadness. But it is only one day. After that, when the transition starts to become routine this moment won't matter. But tonight. I have to sleep in this moment. Breathe in the moment. And stay strong in this moment. Tonight the reality of my tomorrow isn't weeks, months or years away, it is finally here.
Bambi on Ice...
OK. Maybe not Bambi, but definitely Zach on ice. Just a month shy of his 3rd birthday, I finally convinced Wayne that it was a good idea to take Zach ice skating. You see, I might have tried to take him myself before, but I can't ice skate at all. I've tried three times in my life, and although I can somewhat stay up, I am not sure footed enough to teach anyone else how to skate. Wayne on the other hand has been ice skating since he was six, and actually knows how to handle himself on the ice. Neither of us knew if it was going to be a disaster, or a great experience, but we gave it a try.
Zach did pretty well balancing and walking on the skates on the ground, but when he got out on the actually ice. He looked like a deer in headlights:
I would love to tell you he glide out on the ice like it was the most natural thing in the world to him, but that didn't happen. He was stumbling all over the place, and had Wayne not been holding him up, he would have spent at least 13 of the 15 minutes he was out there on his butt in the ice. He was not a virtuoso at skating, but he was very brave, and he took the whole thing in stride. I am so glad he wasn't like a 6 yr old boy I saw, father clutching him to hold him up, forcing him to skate, tears streaming down the kids' eyes, because he didn't want to be there.
Laughter,
I am so proud of my new little skater:
And his first skating teacher, his Dad:
I can't wait to go back, and laugh at my boys, all three of them! Maybe, just maybe it might be as early as this coming weekend. We'll just let Zach decide.
The most trying part of the process was getting the skates, and then getting them on. Zach was excited to get out there the moment we walked in the door, so anxious he kept pulling his foot out of the skates, which almost led to Wayne pulling his own hair out. By the end of the process, which took at least 10 minutes, Zach was pretty moody. He couldn't understand all the waiting:
I would have loved to be more of a help in the putting on the skates process, but I had my hands full, either with literally holding Matt or chasing him. He thought the ice rink was the coolest place we've ever been...no pun intended: This picture is blurred because Matt is literally running!
Zach did pretty well balancing and walking on the skates on the ground, but when he got out on the actually ice. He looked like a deer in headlights:
I would love to tell you he glide out on the ice like it was the most natural thing in the world to him, but that didn't happen. He was stumbling all over the place, and had Wayne not been holding him up, he would have spent at least 13 of the 15 minutes he was out there on his butt in the ice. He was not a virtuoso at skating, but he was very brave, and he took the whole thing in stride. I am so glad he wasn't like a 6 yr old boy I saw, father clutching him to hold him up, forcing him to skate, tears streaming down the kids' eyes, because he didn't want to be there.Instead the experience was priceless.
It was wonder,
Apprehension,
Frustration,
Laughter, Falling,
Learning,
and most of all fun!
I am so proud of my new little skater:
And his first skating teacher, his Dad:They both showed such patience and perseverance. Which is a good thing, because based on the twinkle in his eye, this little one isn't going to be happy to watch from the sidelines, much longer!
I can't wait to go back, and laugh at my boys, all three of them! Maybe, just maybe it might be as early as this coming weekend. We'll just let Zach decide.
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