Tuesday, September 29, 2009

A computer glitch and exhaustion!

Where have I been since I've turned 31? Well, I have spent the last few evenings putting the finishing touches on a craft project for Matt's room, and trying to get things done around the house. I am so exhausted at the end of the day, that I haven't returned any e-mails in days, blogged, or talked on the phone. Truthfully, I feel ready to be done working and nearly ready to be done being big and pregnant, but apparently I still I have almost two months left. Is it too much to hope that Matt comes a little early?

I wanted to post about my birthday gathering, as I will call it, because I didn't really want a party, and show you pictures of the celebration and my ever growing belly, but my computer has decided to be a punk. Yes, right now I hate my PC because it claims I have no space left on my hard drive even though I've already deleted a ton of files in an attempt to create space. Because of my computer's hissy fit I am unable to upload any images from my camera, which is killing my creativity in the blog department. I can't even show you the pictures of the baby's room, or the thoughtful and beautiful present that Wayne got me for my birthday.

What I can do is tell you that I am going to motivate myself to go to the store in the next few days and get this problem solved, even if that means I am upgrading to a new PC. I cannot live any longer without the ability to post my pictures...I mean I am getting ready to have another baby, I need to be able to upload my photos! ARGH!!!

I will be up and running, in the blog department at least, in a few days and then I'll share the recap of my special day, and the final reveal of Mr. Matt's room.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

31 Wishes!

Tomorrow is my 31st birthday, which means I have been fortunate enough to have 30 birthday wishes. Although I can't possibly remember them all now, I thought I'd share 31 wishes I have today:
1. I wish I could eat anything I wanted and not gain a pound!
2. I wish I had more energy!
3. I wish I was more organized!
4. I wish I had a maid, someone to take care of my house so I could just enjoy life!
5. I wish I could just buy anything I desired and never have to consider the price!
6. I wish I could travel to all the places in the world I long to see!
7. I wish I was paid more for teaching!
8. I wish my husband would grow tired of watching Yankees games, golf, nearly every football game, and some hockey games...oh and if fantasy sports could disappear too, well I'd be thrilled.
9. I wish I could still sleep in till 11 o'clock anyday I wanted
10. I wish I could find more time to talk to or spend with my friends...you know without children screaming in the background, or running around like monkeys.
11. I wish I could be more understanding at times
12. I wish I could dance like the people on So You Think You Can Dance.
13. I wish I could know when I am making a difference.
14. I wish I get to spend the next 50 years with the man I love, and that we both stay healthy and happy in those years.
15. I wish my parents, Wayne, and siblings could live forever...well maybe just until I was gone. (As for my sons its a given I wish they outlive me)
16. I wish Lennie would always be by my side
17. I wish I could protect all the people I love from pain...well I would wish for no pain, but that is an awfully tall order.
18. I wish I was able to find more time to read, go to the movies, take in the beauty of a day, and just relax.
19. I wish I could relive certain moments again and again- like rocking Zach to sleep as an infant, marrying Wayne, or sitting on my Mom or Dad's lap as a child.
20. I wish I was more athletic
21. I wish I am able to protect my children from all the scary parts of this world
22. I wish to be able to appreciate and experience my children as they discover the beauty and wonder of the world.
23. I wish my sons are happy and healthy and live long complete lives!
24. I wish I could be more patient with others and with myself
25. I wish I was more artistic
26. I wish I could give back to others more- so they would know how valued they are
27. I wish I would age gracefully
28. I wish I can always laugh- even when its hard to
29. I wish I could add more hours to the day, so I could enjoy the time I have with my loved ones just a bit longer
30. I wish I could know for certain what lies beyond...
and for my 31st wish...
Come on now, you know I can't tell you, or it won't come true!
But what do you wish for?

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Give me a "B", give me an "R"...oh heck it's bronchitis!

On Friday we took Zach to the doctor's office because he was coughing a strange cough, and hadn't really been himself. So for the last five days I have been babying him. Taking off of school Monday so he could rest, sending him to my Mom's on a Tuesday instead of daycare, and now I have called the doctor again to see why he seems to be making a wheezing sound when he breathes. It is so weird. The kid runs around like nothing is bothering him, eats pretty well(not quite as great as his usual), and is still sleeping from 7:30-6:30 every night pretty much. And yet, here I am worried because he still doesn't seem quite right.

I swear today I almost had a meltdown thinking about what I am going to do when both Zach and Matt are sick at the same time, which of course means that Wayne and I will both get sick, and although I love my normally super helpful husband, when he is sick, he is utterly useless. It got me a little panicked, because I realized that sometimes I already feel overwhelmed and in two months I will have another little person's symptoms to agonize over.

In my travels through people's blogs I have read some amazingly touching stories of children who have overcome great illnesses, so much worse than bronchitis, and I have been awed by the grace and poise that these mothers have used in their writing and their lives when they endured watching their children suffer. I have read blogs of moms who eloquently document their daily blessings with their kids, and inspire others to reach deeper. And yet today I still find myself complaining that Zach is sick again, that he has to go to daycare, that I am not as entertaining or creative as I dream of being when I get home from 7 hours of work, and that I am frustrated that he has to go to the Dr's office again tomorrow. I feel guilty that I can't go with him, angry that I feel so easily beaten down, and terrified that I not giving 100% to the role of mother. It is just one of those days I guess. I think I'll take Scarlett O'Hara's advise from Gone with the Wind, "I won't think about it today, I'll think about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!"

Sunday, September 20, 2009

The Age of Sentences and a Craft Project!

This weekend flew by...don't get me wrong it had some long moments in there too, but as usual I find its Sunday evening and I get sad thinking about Monday morning and leaving my boy. On Friday we went to the doctors and found out that Zach had a slight case of bronchitis, which may or may not actually be the croup. I am a little concerned that he has been on antibiotics for two days and his cough actually sounds worse. For that reason I am debating whether I should go to work in the a.m. or stay home. Either way, at this point he is no longer contagious to other kids, but I always feel guilty sending him off to daycare...especially when he is not 100%. Then again with all the colds, fevers, and viruses he picks up there, I don't have enough sick days to stay home all the time. :( Oh well...only a few more months till I am home bound!

The story of a sentence:
This evening as I was playing with Zach I heard him ask for his ball. Which goes pretty much, "Ball?" I gave it to him, and he started hitting it around with his mini-hockey stick. I could hear the dog chasing him around, and him hitting the ball, and then I heard, "Drop it Lennie!" At first I continued tidying up the mess he had just left for me, and then I heard it again, "Drop it Lennie!" For a moment I paused and I realized that somewhere in the last month Zach has started putting sentences together. This wasn't the first time I have heard him speak a sentence, he'll say "Love you Mommy/Daddy." "More______ please" and a few other complete sentences, usually with prompting, but this was one of the 1st times I heard him put together a sentence on his own and I was so proud! He is such a little man now!

Aside from nurturing my sickie babies(Wayne has a cold, and he is not a good sick person) I spent the weekend buying items that I need to complete Matt's room and get ready for his arrival. I couldn't find a bookcase that worked in the space I had, it was only about 2-3 feet and it was a narrow space as well, so I bought a two-cubed wood shelf from Jo-Ann's and decorated it myself. I may have gotten a little carried away, seeing as no one will see it when they walk into the room, but I wanted it to be special. Here is a pic of the shelf I painted for Matt. It has all the same colors as his wall does so it ties into the room

Being the book dork I am, I ran out last night after Zach was asleep and bought Matt some of his "own" books for his room. I didn't want to have a shelf, with nothing to put in it!

I am just waiting on a wall shelf, and a few other items and then the room will be ready for its close up!

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Getting Closer and a Costume!

I know I have been horrible about posting pictures of the progress in Matt's room, but I swear the space is nearing completion. I am working on a few projects and some decor and then I will be ready to post the final product. Tonight I finally made a decision on a shelf, so that should arrive next week and aside from that there are only a few more crafts to attend to. I also need to find a small table lamp, but I am having the hardest time finding the right one. Ah...decorating can be so exhausting.

While I was online tonight I stumbled across a cute costume for Zach's 2nd Halloween. I have to thank the girls on the boards for pointing me in the direction of oldnavy.com. Although my sister thought I should dress Zach as Bam Bam this year, I decided to make him an adorable dragon.
And as if that was not cute enough, check out the back:
I have no idea if Zach will tolerate this costume for more than 10 minutes, but I am sure I will be able to get at least one cute shot of him in his costume. The best part is that I already have a dragon costume for Lennie to wear, so this year the boys can match!

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

30 weeks and a trip to the hospital!

Yesterday I had a Dr. apt to check on little Matt. I was expecting a quick visit, in and out in 20 minutes, and home to make dinner and relax with the fam. What I got instead was a scare, an exam, and then told to go to the hospital. Why you might wonder...well because the nurse thought she heard a deceleration in Matt's heartbeat which signals pre-term labor. I wasn't super panicked since I knew I wasn't in labor, but I did get a little scared that Matt might be in distress.

The doctor sent me as a "precaution", and although I knew I had to go just to make sure, I kind of resented the 30 minute drive(I wasn't far enough along to go to the nearby hospital) and the three hours that I had to lay on an extremely uncomfortable examining table. I think the worst part was the table and that my butt kept falling asleep. I was on my own too, which was my own choice. Wayne wanted to come, but my Mom was at work, his mom was at work, and who knows where everyone else was. I didn't get the point of disrupting Zach's day even more(it was a daycare day) in order to have Wayne sit by my side. So I read, and lesson planned, and hit a button every time Matt moved, and made it through.

The best part of my time at the hospital was that I got to fully appreciate Matt's movements. He really is a little mover and shaker and boy is he strong. If its possible I think he might be even more active than Zach. I am pretty sure that I won't be sitting down for 3 or 4 years once I have them both! Oh well...at least that will help with shedding all my pregnancy weight, and the little extra I've been carrying around since my teens! :)

The best news was that Matt was doing perfectly and that everything looked great. It was a big inconvenience, but hey sometimes parenting is. Like when you just want to take a shower, but you can't find the time in the day, or when you want to stop for a coffee, but decide that would be selfish because it will make you five minutes later for pickup of your little one.

At 30 weeks Matt and I have already been to the hospital twice. I figure that by the time I really am in labor, I will be an old pro and so will he. Maybe he'll decide to go easy on me on the big day, and come out much quicker than his brother who took almost an entire 24 hours to make his debut!

Speaking of his adorable older brother, here is a recent picture of Zach taking in the last days of summer. (On dad's shoulder's of course...sorry honey I cropped you out, it wasn't your best shot!)

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Bye Bye Moon!

About a week ago Zach saw the moon. One that looked very much like this:

Now, I know he has seen it before, but something about it this time caught his attention, and he hasn't been able to stop talking about it since. That night he said "moon" over and over as he pointed out the car window. When we got home, he wanted to stand and look at the moon, and when we went inside he cried for a minute as he reached out for the moon. Fortunately, Lennie's greeting distracted him from crying too long or from obsessing over the moon a moment longer, or so I thought, because all of a sudden he was closing the front door and saying "bye bye moon." It was seriously such a sweet moment. So sweet in fact that when he ran to the couch pointing to the window repeating "moon, moon, moon" I lifted him up to see it once more.

As he went to bed that night I read him a story I've been reading him since he was about five months old, reciting it sometimes when I would turn out the light, or just wanted to snuggle him with both arms. And can you guess what this book was?

Coincidence...I think not! Ironically enough about 3 weeks ago I added in another book, that I love, to his nighttime stack. He hasn't really had the patience to make it through the story yet, but he loves looking at the pictures. It is a great book that I read in grad school for a children's lit class I took, and it's based loosely off of the famous book "Goodnight Moon". It's called "Goodnight Opus" and it is quickly becoming Zach's favorite book to look at before bed.

He even runs into his room and says, "Moon book" or "Opus" this means he wants to look at the illustration of Opus in the Milky Way which has in the corner....you guessed it, a picture of the moon. His fixation is so cute, and he runs to the window at all times of day asking to see the moon. I have tried to explain that the moon isn't out in the daytime, that the sun is out, but I know he doesn't want to hear that. (Plus, I also know I am technically lying, since the moon is there, we just can't see it in daylight.) He is patient though, and when he gets the chance he runs to his books and finds the pictures of the moon. He is so proud of himself and I must say I am proud of him too. He is getting to be so knowledgeable and expressive and I love how his eyes light up at his discoveries. I don't know how long his fascination will last, but I do know I will feign excitement every day that he runs to that window, and every time he pulls the books out to show me his moon. I also know that there is nothing sweeter in life than watching my baby grow into a little man. (As an English teacher and lover of literature, I'm also tickled blue that he loves books so much!)

What books do/did your little ones adore as they're drifting off to sleep?

Monday, September 7, 2009

Labor Day...has a whole new meaning!

This year, I couldn't help but think of "Labor Day" in a whole new light. Maybe its the fact that I am already 29 weeks pregnant, and nearing the big day, or the fact that I am married to a man who works incessantly, either way I thought a lot about "labor". It's ironic, because I actually relaxed quite a bit on a day that's named for workers.

Growing up Labor day always marked the end of summer...well until this year. This year my school moved up its start date which ended summer early for me, but I guess I'll get over that heartbreak eventually. Either way, it was always a day that marked the beginning of a new school year, a new season in my eyes( Yes, I know Fall doesn't officially start till the 21st!) and for that reason I think it resonates well with what I am feeling today.

There are so many labors in this world that we endure. Everything from the jobs we go to everyday, to the physical and mental strains put upon our bodies and minds, to the feats of love we carry out, they all spin together under this one word. Perhaps that is why I couldn't help but think of the labors I've undergone/struggled with and what they have brought me.

My job- There is no job in the world like teaching. I may be biased, but it truly is remarkable. Meeting so many new people every year and helping them meet their goals is an amazing feeling. Much like life, it has it ups and downs, and a day can be riddled with failures or successes, but it is never boring. I always enjoy watching the light bulbs click throughout the year, and the laughs we have along the way as my students struggle for the switches. Hopefully, I act as a flashlight to help them get there, but to be honest, they teach me everyday as well. It has always been my belief that in order to be a great teacher a person must be an avid learner. I'm nine years into the field, and I must say, I don't think I'd trade my experiences for all the gold in the world...although I would like to be paid just a bit more :)

My Body-

This area is probably my weakest. I am not saying this because I am 7 1/2 months pregnant and feel like a blimp...although I do. I am just honest. I've never been one to push myself to the limits in exercise, or physical sports, but I have found that my body can amaze even me when it is asked to. For example, I think it was pretty remarkable the day it gave birth to my son after 23 long hours of being pushed to the max. I think in many ways, that feat helped me realize that if I set my mind to it, I could push it a bit longer on the treadmill, or to get up and walk a bit more. I also know that although I will be tired, it will get me through these early years chasing my very active sons around, and that I will be forever grateful for it. So even though I may not be a model, I am thankful that I have a body that hoists around 29 lbs for minutes at a time, when Zach needs to be held, or that it allows me to run faster than an 18 month old whose headed for the stairs, all while housing another growing baby.

My Mind-

This one is the trickiest. Mostly because it can get away from you, especially when you are a hormone driven mess. Take for example the guilt it is enduring; Guilt over leaving Zach to start a school year, guilt over leaving my students to have a baby, guilt over having a baby and changing Zach's life, guilt over one day going back to work and leaving my two kids in daycare, guilt over my Mom watching my son for me, guilt over not spending enough time with my husband, guilt over not finding time to see my nephews, guilt over not finding time to return phone calls or see friends I adore, guilt over...do you see where this is going? And yet, in the scheme of life, these little guilts are only a snippet of the mental struggles we endure. It's an amazing thing the mind, that it can cope so well in a world filled with labors to solve.

My Love-

This one is the one that comes most naturally. I have always thrived on my family, on connecting with them, listening to them, and trying to solve problems when they arise. But once I got married, the labor of love changed a bit. Now I also labor to support my husband( who makes it easy most of the time) and understand his needs, which aren't always as similar to mine as I would like, (Fantasy Football, Golf and hockey come to mind here :) ) as well as understand and listen to what he has to say( This isn't always my strong suit in this labor) And here is my big ah ha moment so to speak. Adding Motherhood in so many ways consumed my labor of career, my body, my mind and threw me headfirst into the necessity of the labor of loves. It is love, that drives an exhausted body from bed at 2 in the morning for a feeding, or allows you to make it through those days when you feel like your head is spinning with all the Mama's this and Mama's that. It is the ultimate labor of life, to give yourself completely into the betterment of a new soul, and to try to shape all the areas you take for granted.

For that reason, I will say I fear labor, the process, but I relish in the labors of love that life is sending my way. Am I afraid to have two children under the age of two...you bet, but what terrifies me more is the idea of not ever having those two lives intertwined in mine.

So my thought today is; Labor is miraculous. Without it, you wouldn't appreciate any of the simple pleasures of life, or the importance of what toiling does for the soul.

(Sorry for the philosphical post, but I get this way sometimes!)
On a lighter note:

Even though he is only 18 months, Zach is already getting in on some laboring...here he is trying to take out the trash :)

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Top 10 Things I'll miss about this summer!

As I head back to school tomorrow, I can't help but think about what I will miss most about Summer '09. It seemed like it came to a close all too quickly(I've already been back in school w/o students for two days!) So this top 10 is going to go backward in somewhat of a specific order

What I am going to miss most about this summer...

10. Wayne's runs to get me ice cream weekly at our favorite summer ice cream shop

9. Having Wayne grill at least 2-3 of the dinners we eat a week.

8. Being able to enjoy my newly landscaped backyard...even if it is just from my kitchen window some days.

7. The fact that I don't have to worry about what I am wearing, since most days the only people who see me are Wayne and Zach, and they are forgiving.

6. Being able to cuddle/play with Lennie anytime I want throughout the day.

5. Getting to go on adventures with my friends and family to great places like the zoo, or shopping whenever I want to.

4. Getting to spend time with my sister, my Mom and my nephew Jack while swimming or just hanging out at my Mom's house.

3. Naps and late mornings...everything changes when sleep schedules get shifted

2. The extra family time; Whether it be going to the lake, taking walks, Wayne's pop-ins throughout the workday, getting to sit down and eat breakfast as a family (without having to pack a bag, write in a journal, or not even see my son in the a.m. on any given workday), having an extra hour of playtime because bedtime is later...seriously you get my point.

1. This little person who when I think about all the moments of; smiles, words, laughter, adventures,funny faces, mischief, tears, our final days of just him and I, and our general togetherness that I will miss...my heart breaks.

What will you miss most about this summer?