Monday, January 31, 2011
This side of sun-up
Sleep. It is a word and action that all mother's crave. Sadly I will be functioning on about 2 hrs less of sleep until summer arrives, then its back to the toddler sleeping schedule. What I didn't realize when you get up at 5 in the morning is how quiet it is in the house. How you can watch DVR'd shows without interuption, and how quickly you can dress, feed yourself and be ready to be out the door. I know that as the weeks pass I will be hitting snooze more and more, getting just a little less put together one day at a time, but for today. I am marveling at this side of sun-up and thinking of a Robert Frost line, "Miles to go before I sleep..." Good luck everyone in getting through your miles today. I've got my "race" plan all set, now its just about digging in and getting it done.
Happy Monday!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
We're seeing pink...
Isn't it funny how Matt has not been on antibiotics once in his 14 months of life, and after only two ventures into daycare, he is on a 10 day regiment. At least this explains his sour mood, and random outbursts. I thought he was just super upset about the changes in his life. Now at least I know it is a combination of at least two things. My poor baby.
Zach woke up this morning, coughing, and complaining about how he can't smell. I felt bad for my little man, who also hasn't been on antibiotics since his last forey into childcare. He looked at me and said, "I don't want to be sick, I want to be healthy!" Break my heart will you!
Aside from the round of antibiotics we are all on our way to a new normal. Once we get through the next week or two, we'll be adjusted into our new routines. I am still sad that my return to work means I won't be spending as much time with my sons, but I also know that change is part of life, and we'll get through it together.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Some of the funny things in my life...
Things that Matt does that make me smile:
I love that he is blowing kisses now. His little chubby hand reaching up and touching his lips and a smooching sound coming moments later. Usually well after his hand has left his mouth.
He makes me laugh when he picks up a ball, and looks for Lennie to come play with him. By play with him, I mean Matt holds the ball and spins in a circle while Lennie tries to take it away.
Matt throws the funniest temper tantrums. He actually tries to do a headstand in protest when he doesn't get his way. What causes Matt to have fits these days is also comical. He gets mad that he can't have Zach's cup. Even though his is a foot away, having been discarded since it is not Z's. I actually think he is just super smart and realizes that Zach's cup usually has juice, and his usually has water, and even when he gets juice, it is never as "strong" as his brothers.
Matt is such a little groover. All you have to do is turn on music and he will spin around and sway his little butt in the air. It is precious, and he is so into it, he'll actually run from another room to get to the music so he can shake his groove thing.
Even though he's one, Matt loves hide and seek. Zach isn't really original in his hideouts, so I always know he is in the playtent or under his play table. Matt lately crawls in behind him. Whereas Zach put his head down so I don't see him, Matt face always is looking out to see where I am. I can't tell you how many times I've pretended I don't see them so I can see the double dimple smile spread across Matt's face!
Which brings me to Z:
When playing hide and seek, Zach will tell you where he is hiding. He gets impatient, and if you pretend you are worried, he will call out, "I am hiding under the chairs Momma" but still remain with his head hidden. So funny.
Zach loves Superhero's and his Hulk hands. He does a special deep voice to go along with his Hulk persona.
The other day we all went to drop Wayne off to get his car from service. All of a sudden from the backseat I heard, "Mommy, we forgot Daddy." "No Zach Daddy went to get his car." "Mommy daddy doesn't have a car, we have to go back and get him."
Another really comical one was when Zach saw a picture from our wedding. He looked and me and said, "Wheres I at?" and then gasped..."Momma you forgot me" No Zach you weren't born yet. Him: "Yes I was born, in a hospital...right Mommy?"
After going to school for the 1st time the other day(I call Daycare school, it makes me feel less horrid, I also sometimes affectionately refer to it as crapcare) Zach said to me, "Mommy we left Lennie there." I said, "No Zach we left Lennie at home." Z: "We have to go get him." M: "Zach when Mommy goes to work, you and Matt will go to school and Lennie stays home." z: "But I want Lennie to come to school with me." m: "Zach Lennie can't go to your school he's a dog." z: "Well I want Lennie to go to school with his friends too. Mommy will you take Lennie to doggie school?"
However when I say, "Lennie's my boy." He says, "Lennie's not a boy, I'm a boy right Mommy!" I say, "Yes Zach, but Lennie is a boy dog." To which Zach just corrects..."No Mommy, Lennie is a dog."
I could seriously go on forever with comical conversations I have with my 3 yr old and the funny things my one year old does. So tell me readers what are some of the funny things in your life right now?
Monday, January 24, 2011
Randomness of nerves...
Some changes are good. Right? Getting married. Having children. Moving into your dream home.
Some changes devastate. Losing a loved one. Losing a job. Getting ill.
Some changes, are just changes. They aren't good or bad per se, they are what you make of them. Moving to a new city. Taking a new job. Deciding where you are going to go to school.
Yet change is change, and right at the inception of that change, on the brink of the past colliding with the reality of the present there is a moment that, regardless, a sense of fear/sadness creeps in. Usually that's the moment right before you get ready to embrace the change if its for the good, or set up a game plan for the change if it isn't so great. It is a moment that take some serious soul searching, some introspection, and some bravery. It is from that brink that I write tonight, because tomorrow is a new day, a day that will have some tears, some reunions, some apprehension, and much sadness. But it is only one day. After that, when the transition starts to become routine this moment won't matter. But tonight. I have to sleep in this moment. Breathe in the moment. And stay strong in this moment. Tonight the reality of my tomorrow isn't weeks, months or years away, it is finally here.
Bambi on Ice...
Zach did pretty well balancing and walking on the skates on the ground, but when he got out on the actually ice. He looked like a deer in headlights:
I would love to tell you he glide out on the ice like it was the most natural thing in the world to him, but that didn't happen. He was stumbling all over the place, and had Wayne not been holding him up, he would have spent at least 13 of the 15 minutes he was out there on his butt in the ice. He was not a virtuoso at skating, but he was very brave, and he took the whole thing in stride. I am so glad he wasn't like a 6 yr old boy I saw, father clutching him to hold him up, forcing him to skate, tears streaming down the kids' eyes, because he didn't want to be there.
I am so proud of my new little skater:
And his first skating teacher, his Dad:
Friday, January 21, 2011
The only thing worse...
Every day when he got up cowlicks would appear in random places. Try as we might to slick them down, new ones would pop up in their place.
So last night we set off with the intention of giving Z a cool big boy cut. One that we could style spiky with some hair gel. I even found a picture of what I thought would look good. As soon as the "stylist" pulled out the clippers Zach was panicking. He just wanted to get out of the chair...solid instincts on that kid. I of course held his head steady as the lady slowly shaved off much of his hair. I couldn't believe how much blonder it was under the longer layers she shaved off. Then she cut the top, and I knew we were in trouble. All of the images of Z as a nearly bald baby rushed in. When Z looked in the mirror, he was so upset. I tried not to look upset, and said, "You look so handsome". He just looked at his reflection and said, "I don't like it, I look like a baby!" I felt horrible. All the best intentions and even a 3 yr old knew that his new do was a dud!
Wayne and I tried to retain our composure, and I assured Zach that the great thing about hair is that is grows back. He was slightly bummed so Wayne offered to get him ice cream. That did the trick, the trauma was behind him and we went to Coldstone and got him some cotton candy ice cream with rainbow sprinkles. He was so anxious to eat it all the way home, and Wayne just looked at me and said, "Well now we know, we should just keep his hair long!" Real helpful!
Zach allowed me to take a few pics of him while he ate his ice cream. He wasn't thrilled at the thought of having his pic taken, but he did insist I take this pic of his ice cream:
Here Zach is reluctantly modeling his new cut:
And him enjoying his bribe, uh I mean treat!
Don't worry bub, you have such a beautiful face that you don't really need a lot of hair. But man oh man, how I wish I was combing down those cowlicks this morning instead of trying to gel up your relative buzz cut!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Sing me a song you're my piano men...
His love has continued to grow for the piano, and often times he'll venture through the house and Wayne and I will hear Matt tickling the ivories. He laughs as he plays, and is so entertained. He's ever learn how to sit on the little stool and play. Just look at how sweet this little virtuso is:
I love that they embrace music. I can say it is wonderful watching them play together, and they use all sorts of instruments:
Obviously they both adore the piano, but they also both love playing the recorder:
You gotta love the creativity!
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Vaseline...
Well when I was a kid I would always get nosebleeds in winter. The dry cold air of the Northwest resulted in some pretty nasty nosebleeds and embarrassing memories. I can remember one time waking up in the middle of the night and rushing to the bathroom, only to bleed into the sink and have it splatter on the cool puffy wallpaper we had in PA. It was pretty gross, so naturally my Mom asked the Dr what could be done. His answer lubricate the nostrils to keep the area moist, and help prevent bleeding. So since I was about eight years old, every night before I go to bed, I apply a slight amount of Vaseline to the edges of my nostrils. There is a personal tidbit I never thought I'd share!
Last week when we were staying at my parent's house, I brought my trusty Vaseline, and left it on a side table tucked behind some items in the room where Wayne and I were sleeping. I thought nothing of it. One afternoon I put Zach down in that room since his brother was just going to take his nap in the room they were sharing and I didn't want them to keep each other awake. I checked on the boys 20 minutes later, without entering their rooms, all was quiet therefore all was well. Or so I thought...
An hour later, I went up to check on the sleeping boys, and decided to open the door. I was expecting to see Zach's blond hair poking out from the blanket. Instead I found Zach sitting at the foot of the bed. At first I noticed his pants and socks were off. Then I realized that he was shiny, and a moment later I saw the Vaseline container, tucked into the sheets of the bed. I looked at my son, Vaseline was spread into his hair, It was all over his face, it was smeared across his shirt, it was a mess. I asked, "What did you do?" and was told "It was an accident." I then shrieked, "Why would you do this?" He calmly responded, "I wanted to put some on my nose." It was semi comical, and somewhat infuriating at the time. You see, I knew he had gotten that Vaseline on the sheets, the silk comforter that my mother had in the room, and I knew those things were ruined forever. And yet, I left them behind, because I could buy new ones, although my Mom wouldn't let me, I just knew I had to get him clean. Into the shower he went, and the whole event seemed to pass for him without inconvenience. I explained he shouldn't touch anything like lotions, or chemicals and how they could harm him, but it wasn't until later that night, when Wayne and I read the label of the Vaseline bottle that panic set it. I read about how if you got Vaseline in your eyes, you needed to flush it out, had I done a good enough job? I wasn't sure what had happened in that room, and Z wasn't talking. I read that if you ingested Vaseline you were to call poison control. Scary stuff. I couldn't help but hear my Mom in the back of my head saying, "It's not his fault, you shouldn't have left it there." And my lame excuse, "He knows better." and her response, "Amy he's two." Damn it she was right again...I guess being a Mom for 35 years trumps my 3 years every time.
So what am I taking away from the Vaseline incident of 2011. I am taking the hilarious memory of Zach covered in Vaseline, looking like I'd caught him with his hand in the cookie jar, my Mom's advise that I should be more cautious about where I leave some items, I am taking away a feeling of relief that nothing poisonous or devastating happened, I am still sorry about the bedding, even though my Mom already replaced it saying she never liked it anyways, and I am heeding the warning that some things need to be left OUT OF THE REACH OF CHILDREN...even when you think they know better!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Life under construction...
Fortunately my parents have offered their home to us once again. How lucky that I have such generous parents that let my family invade their home at will. Seriously, it is awesome of them. I am looking forward to this being over. I really just want to be settled. Settled in my home. Settled in my job, settled in to the new routine on the horizon.
Either way I will be around...I will be back soon!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Snapshots of my sons...
Monday, January 3, 2011
A New Year begins...
Being able to be home for the last 14 months with my boys has meant more to me than I will every be able to express. I have been able to savor the mornings, playing in our pj's not having to worry about hustling out the door, bags being packed, breakfasts being rushed. I have been able to feed them lunch every day, tuck them in for nap time every afternoon, and relish the hours, I would have missed if I'd been working. I have been able to be their constant, and while I know when I head back to work in a few weeks, I will still be their constant, it will be in an entirely different way.
It has been a blessing seeing Matt through nearly every moment of his first year, and really being able to see his firsts as they were happening, it has also been remarkable to watch Z grow into a little boy from a toddling baby 14 months ago. His jokes and stories brighten my days, and I know I will look forward to hearing all about what he has been up to at "school". No one can tell a story quite like that little boy.
Their is a sadness in my heart as I write, mostly because I am on the brink of change. When I left my job last October, I knew it wasn't forever, and yet my return seemed an eternity away. Over the last year, if I am entirely honest there have been days when I have felt like I would run out the door back to my job, just to get away from the crying, the fits, the constant needs/wants, it is my responsibility to fill in a given day. Being a mother who stays home constantly with their children is a marvel. It makes you dig deep into your core. It changes you. There are days that you don't get to savor a single moment, not a cup of coffee, a good show, a song you love singing, nothing! Those days are tough, but if your smart and you stop, you'll see a hug shared between brothers, hear a joke that makes no sense, but truly entertains your two year old, watch a one year old learn to build blocks, or flash you a set of dimples that warms your heart. You will see a fall, and be able to have the honor of being the one to console your child, your children, your world. It is a remarkable role, one of honor, one that is not for the faint of heart, one that requires selfishness at all times, because to be honest in my experience, a little part of "you" gets lost in them, maybe in some cases, a lot of you gets lost. And while a part of me wishes daily I could walk the path of being a SAHM another month, year, decade, its not in the cards for me.
Why? I could tell you I need the money, and its sort of true. I need the money to live the lifestyle my husband and I committed to. I need to help pay for our new house, our bills, my school loans, etc. Then again, I could live without the new house, the nice car, the new gadgets we just have to have to stay home with my sons. I could, but I don't. I love my sons. I love my husband, I love my life, but I also love myself. I love the part of me that stands up in the front of a classroom and explores words, lives, and moments. I love the girl who existed before Wayne came into my life and made me a wife, before Zach and Matt came into my life and made me a mother, I love that girl who went out and educated herself and made HERSELF a teacher.
In 30 years, my sons will have grown into men. I know that will happen, as much as I want them to stay the boys they are. In 30 yrs, I won't feel the heartbreak I feel tonight even thinking of leaving my sons and returning to the "workforce". In 30 years, I will still be a wife, a mother, a teacher(most likely retired), and a woman who tries her best to give all she can to each of those roles.
I am sad. I am excited. I am nervous. I am scared. I am on the brink of change. 2011, is not the year of being a SAHM for me, but it was an honor to have the opportunity at least once in my life. A special thanks to my husband, who made it possible for me to have this cherished time with our sons. I will miss the role, I will miss being a stay at home mom year round, but rejoice in the fact that regardless of the title, working, stay at home, etc. I will always be Zach and Matt's full-time Mom. (Boy am I glad I get summer's off, so I can dabble in this role again!)
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January
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- This side of sun-up
- We're seeing pink...
- Some of the funny things in my life...
- Randomness of nerves...
- Bambi on Ice...
- The only thing worse...
- Sing me a song you're my piano men...
- Vaseline...
- Home again, Home again, Jiggity Jig!
- Life under construction...
- Snapshots of my sons...
- A New Year begins...
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