Some Big Shoes to Fill!

I just couldn't help myself, but to capture this picture when Zach put on his Dada's shoes this evening. It was absolutely hysterical to watch him try to clobber his way down the hallway in them...well funny until he almost fell over! There was something about seeing Zach walking in Wayne's shoes that touched my heart. In many ways I hope my sons follow in their father's footsteps. I hope they grow up to be big-hearted, driven, and energetic people who love life and the possibilities it presents. (I do hope they find more time to relax than my darling hubby, and more time to breath!)

Watching Zach fumble around in his Dad's shoes this evening reminded me that time is precious...sooner than I would like, this little boy's feet will fit into bigger shoes, shoes that take him out on his own journeys. For now, I am just happy that I have been blessed to stand next to his father, and make sure Zach makes it safely to where he is going. Speaking of getting places safety...Matt we're still waiting on you!

Ready...Set...FALSE START!

These days I spend all of my time thinking about two things, "What am I going to do with Zach today? and What day am I going to meet Matt?" To say my life is consumed right now(not to mention my body) with my sons would be more than fair.

So on Sunday night, when I couldn't eat because I felt ill, and then started getting contractions every 10 minutes apart I thought, "Could this be it?" As the hours went on and the contractions got to 6-7 minutes apart, I thought, "This might be it?" and by 9 o'clock that night I had called the Dr, and was heading in to the hospital to deliver my baby...Or was I?

After a little over an hour of being monitored and feeling anxious, I was checked out by the midwife, only to find that I wasn't progressing. I was still only 2 cm dilated, and 50% effaced, which was exactly where I was five days earlier at the Dr's office. I was disappointed, angry even as the midwife explained to me what "true" labor would feel like. I guess more than anything I was embarrassed, I mean this isn't my first time at the party, so how could I not "know" when so many other women do?

I could blame it on the fact that I was induced last time. That the only experience I had of going into labor came from a medicine they sent coursing through my veins, bringing on contractions that felt like they lasted for 20 minutes at a time. So excuse me Mrs. Midwife for not knowing that the tightening in my uterus that came at regular intervals, and felt uncomfortable was not going to be enough to get the ball rolling! OK...maybe I am a little bitter too!

Bitter? Yeah I am blessed, I know that! I get to do something amazing very soon, I get to bring a little person into this world, into my family, and I couldn't be more excited about it. And yet I was upset that night, because I felt like a failure, felt like my body was deceiving me, and felt frightened that I wouldn't know when the time had really come and end up on some new show like, "I Didn't Know I was In Labor!", but as the days have passed I am returning to myself. Remembering that I have a very important job ahead, that I need to walk that road with a clear mind so I can stay in that moment, and ride the wave as my mother coached me to do last time. Am I scared? Heck yeah! Am I worried I will miss my window for an epidural out of stubbornness to return to the hospital until I am really "feeling it"? A little. Do I know that I will have a baby in the next few days or week, and then none of this pre-show will really matter? You bet. And I for one am greatly looking forward, not to when labor begins, but instead to the moment that my son's life truly begins.

Such a big boy...

As I sit here waiting day after day for the arrival of my next baby boy, I am constantly struck by the little boy who; zips from one room to the next, asks for a cup of milk and says, "Thank you Mama!", asks for certain toys or books to be played with, sits and turns the pages of his goodnight stories all while pointing out the interesting parts. This little boy runs to the window to show me the moon, a star, a school bus, or a garbage truck, or just to see what Lennie is barking at. He is constantly mastering the English language, repeating sentences he hears, and melting our hearts with words like, "Love you Mom!" And that is just the thing. Lately I've noticed some major changes in this little boy whose dimpled smile lights my world. He calls me Mom, not Mama most of the time, and he loves to sing and dance, only now he is singing along and using the words. (I mean seriously, he is reciting parts of his ABC's and he isn't even two!)He loves to help out by following directions, or going and getting people's shoes for them, and he recognizes roads to places that he loves to visit, like Grandma's house. To say he amazes me everyday would be an understatement, and yet with each moment of progress in his childhood, my heart breaks to see his babyhood slipping away.

Perhaps its the hormones, or the fact that I am still in awe that I will have two little people to adore soon, but I can't help but look at Zach and feel blessed that I got to experience each day with him, these final weeks of us alone will always feel like a gift. And even though my son brings wonder to every day, I was stunned when he went and got his booster seat and asked to sit in it and eat breakfast yesterday morning. He didn't want to go into the highchair, perhaps he senses it wasn't meant to be his much longer, but he wanted to make the shift to the table with Mom and Dad. He was ready to be a big boy... and he was smart enough to tell us about it. Just look at him sitting in his new big boy seat eating his morning snack:

Isn't he just darling? I still can't believe that less than 2 years ago I was sitting around waiting to meet this little guy, and I get to do it all over again. Am I sad in some ways that my baby Zach is now a big boy? Of course! Does my heart fill with pride with each milestone he reaches? You bet! And finally....Do I wish this post was about Zach being potty-trained? ABSOLUTELY! But I guess we can't expect all growing up to happen in one day! What would be the fun in that?

I'm Dreaming of Christmas and Contractions!

If you were to walk through my front door today you would find this lovely surprise waiting for you:

Yes...folks that is our Christmas tree! When I found out I was pregnant with Matt and due at the end of November, I vowed that I would put my tree up before my baby arrived. Since Matt likes to keep things interesting, I figured we better move up the tree date so that we weren't caught unprepared. I also figured putting the tree up earlier might help me find time to teach Zach not to touch the tree, and for the most part he is doing really well with it. (He does love to grab a few ornaments every now and again, but all of the breakables are up high and out of reach!)

In order to keep things interesting, I conceded to my darling husband's dream of having a train that runs around the tree. He was so excited at the hobby shop...in fact I don't know who had the better time, Zach or Wayne. And while I may complain that the train is loud, and just another thing to watch out for, I can't help but love the wonder it produced in these two little boys:

Try as I might I really couldn't get a great shot of Zach and Wayne and the train and the tree. It was almost like too many moving objects at once. I also tried really hard to get Zach to stand in front of the tree, but this shot was the best I could do.

This final shot really says it all... It's almost like, "Ok, Mom, get the picture and then let me play!"

Now that I have my tree up I find myself dreaming of Christmas with both my sons at home, and longing for the contractions to show up(again)so that I get to meet my little Matthew soon!

On this day, four years ago...

I said "I do!"

To this man:

On a beautiful Fall day in this gorgeous church:

Surrounded by all of the people we loved:

Beginning our journey as a family of two:

Which would grow today into our family of five (I can't leave Lennie out!)

And on that day we:

Stood side by side, supporting each other,

Took the time to sneak in a kiss...or two... or 100,

And laughed till our sides hurt and our faces were sore!

Four years later, we still do those things, only today if I was asked the same question, I would even more emphatically reply "I do, I will, I'll always"...because well my husband is my best friend, my heart, my pillar to hold on to, and of course all the dreams of my present and future. So Wayne, I just want you to know that four years, practically two kids, a house, a puppy, and a million little twists in the road later, I am exactly where I wanted to be fours years ago, when we started out on our journey as Mr. and Mrs.

I love you with all that I am...Happy Anniversary!

Halloween Part II- Costumes and Candy!

For Halloween Zach was a dragon, which was a step-up from his three-eyed monster costume last year. This year he was able to kind of grasp the fact that it was a special occasion and that I wasn't just dressing him up to torture him. Lennie on the other hand, has decided that I am just a cruel Momma once a year, who takes great satisfaction in adorning him with costumes. Here is my first baby...my fur baby Lennie, decked out in his Halloween best:




After enjoying Lennie's costume and chasing him around, which wasn't as much fun as usual because Lennie always goes into a costume coma, Zach let his Dad dress him for his own festivities. I was nervous that Zach was going to react like Lennie...hating his costume and walking around the neighborhood with a perma-puss:


Fortunately, Zach was a better sport than Lennie, and seemed to really get into running around in his dragon costume:



He even took a photo with Mommy, which doesn't happen too often:


Try as I might, I wasn't able to get Lennie and Zach to pose together, so the best shot I could get was them watching Dada light the pumpkins outside. It was a miserably windy evening, and it got very chilly very fast:







Zach was ready after a little prompting to go out into the cold and windy night by a few neighborhood friends. Here Zach is with out next door neighbor Kaitlin:
He even found a look alike buddy in his friend Will from up the street:

Since Wayne stayed back to pass out candy, I couldn't quite manage an action shot of Zach Trick or Treating. I will say he was surprised that people kept giving him candy, but refused to say "Trick or Treat" which we had practiced all week. He was kind enough to say "Thank You" and that made his Momma extremely proud. This is the only shot I was able to get of him coming off a porch:


After about 12 houses we finished up and headed home. Zach made a bee-line towards his pumpkins: (i just love how Lennie's eyes are glowing green in this photo...very spooky!)

Once home, Zach was so excited to be reunited with his pumpkins:

And of course his Dada:

Even I must admit in that last photo that my beautiful boy looks eerily like his handsome father. I guess I need to start hoping that Matthew shows up with some brown hair and Italian features!

I couldn't help myself but to capture the moon and some close-ups of the pumpkins:

And even though it was too windy to go to many houses, Zach collected quite a bit of loot:

After we warmed up, Zach spent some time on the couch with his Dada, watching hockey and running to the door to help pass out candy to the kids.

It was a memorable Halloween, and I can't wait till next year when I have two little trick or treaters to enjoy!

Halloween Part I- Pumpkin Preparations

As I discussed in my previous post, PUMPKINS are a fan favorite at my house. Wayne carved seven pumpkins in two days, and he spent many wonderful hours pushing himself to the limit. I am sure that I wouldn't have had the patience to undertake the carvings he created this year, and I was happy to see that everyone in the neighborhood enjoyed his hard work as well. It was a toss up what people enjoyed more, Wayne's pumpkins, Lennie's Bee costume or Zach's running to the door in his PJ's! Since I am sure I am about to overload you with pictures yet again, I will split this year's Halloween festivities into two posts...maybe three.


Here are some shots of Wayne working his carving magic while his adorable assistant Zach "helps":





The whole process was just very exciting for Zach:

Then the guys took a moment to appreciate their handiwork

I decided to contribute to the carving experience, by "helping" Zach carve his own special pumpkin. It wasn't quite a masterpiece, but he seemed to really enjoy it. Actually he just liked taking the top off and putting it back on again:
Next up on my posting schedule...costumes and candy!