Parenting 101...

Sometimes I feel like my parenting life is a course in college. The type of course that consumes your time, has a lot of labs, and extra reading. It definitely is the type of course that you tell your friends about and try to make sense of together. It is a course that extends far beyond a semester or two, and is constantly bringing you moments of sheer ellation and heart-wrenching disapointment.

Perhaps its the teacher in me, but I got to thinking about my role as a student in the course of parenting. Sure I have reference sources, my husband, my parents, my friends, my beliefs, and if all else fails the internet, but how am I doing? Everyone will tell you that, "Your a wonderful Mom." and maybe you are... I know I have my moments of glory, but there are also so many moments where I feel like I'm failing too. Little things, like when I turn on the tv so that I can feed the baby, or just get a cup of coffee and drink it in peace without a little person crawling on my legs for a "Giddy up horsie" ride. I think of how precious these moments are in my sons' lives and I know I will want them back, but I will admit there are days when they both are in bed that I breath a sigh of relief because I've gotten through another day. Does that mean on those days I deserve an F?

I mean really can you grade parenting? I suppose we all do it in some way of another. Some of us just go to sleep smiling at our accomplishments, or lamenting the way we handled a child when they threw food across the table yet again. Somewhere within all of us we judge. We think, am I doing what is right, am I giving all that I can every moment that I can? So think about it. What would you grade yourself on your parenting? Most days I feel like a solid B student. On some very good days I am a B+!

Why only a B or a B+? Well...I do all of the necessary things like keep the kids safe, feed them, clean them. In my opinion if you are not doing that you are failing the course on parenting. (Safe does not equal perfect. Don't get me wrong kids do fall, break bones, ect and that doesn't mean you deserve an F in parenting, but if you are letting your toddler play in the street, walk around stores alone, use your kitchen supplies as props in playing house, you are doing something terribly wrong). A D in parenting is when you are meeting the basic needs for the day, but not going beyond them in anyway. A C for me is when you play, but you aren't really present in the moment. You know the type, where you are there, but focused on a phone conversation, blogging online while your children come to you with toys, turning on the television so you can get a cup of coffee(Yes..I have C moments)!

So what earns you a B? Well... Being in the moment, interacting with your child, making them the priority and letting them know you are there and you love them. It is trying to be a role-model of a healthy, funtioning individual. It is showing them the core of life, LOVE, RESPECT, COMPASSION, JOY, and FAITH. A B is playing with toy trains for the millionth time that day because you want to make them happy, or going outside to play ball and enjoying it when all you really wanted to do ten minutes before was crawl under the sheets and take a nap. Why you may be wondering isn't that an A?

Well in my mind, an A in parenting isn't given by the parent. It given by the Professors...you know, the people who are teaching you about parenting, your children. You can't really have an A, until they show you you've earned it. Some days the A comes when you see your child shares their toy without being told, or runs to help a younger sibling who is crying. An A is your child having manners, saying "Thank You" and "Please", not because you've reminded them, but because they know it is the right way to act. An A is watching your child have the confidence to take those first steps, that first bike ride, that first bus ride, knowing that they don't have to worry about whether you're behind them the entire way, because your always there even when you aren't literally. Later its when they stand up for what they think is right even when its not the popular or "cool" choice. An A in parenting comes when you see your teenage son run ahead to grab a door for an older woman who is struggling with hers bags, or listening to your daughter on the phone comforting a friend in need. An A comes in the moments when your child comes to hug you, not because you've asked, but because they want to, or when they travel hours(if necesssary) to get to you when their life just isn't going the way they've planned. An A comes on the day you see them put someone else first, perhaps a spouse or their own child. It is a grade that must be earned. The type of grade you can' truly know for years to come if you have small children like I do. It is the most important grade of not only your life, but theirs. So on the days when I feel like a C Mama, or a B- Mom, I tell myself, the battle isn't over. I have a lifetime left to earn myself that A!