My entire life I have known I was loved. That is truly an amazing feat and it isn't one that belongs to me, or to my husband or even to my heartbeat, my son. The credit for that momentous achievement falls squarely on the shoulders of my Mom. There is not a memory I have, even the ones where I got in trouble, that I don't remember knowing 100% that my mother would move heaven and earth for my joy. I can't tell you adequately what I feel for my Mom, because honestly I have been searching my whole life for the way to show her or tell her how I feel, and in the last 30 years, I've always fallen short. I've finally realized that I may never be able to truly convey the swell in my heart I get when I think of my Mom or the sheer love I feel every time she hugs me, so I will share with you a few of the memories that have made my life so very sweet because I was blessed to be her daughter.
An early memory- I can clearly remember that my Mom loved to play with us. She was always running in the yard with us, enjoying tea parties with my sister and I and make believing the days away. Although the memories blur together I have one that sticks out. When I was around 3 or 4 I was always having nightmares about witches. I don't really know why I was so fixated on them, but I was convinced they lived under my bed and the couches. My room had this Disney characters wallpaper and while is was great in the day, at night all I could see was a million eyes staring at me. I remember that I could call out at anytime and my Mom would come running. She was never angry at me, or called me silly, she was always protective. She would climb in next to me and talk to me gently and tell me that there was nothing to be scared of, she would never let anyone hurt me. I always felt such peace listening to her tell me how no one could get me and that she would always be there. In fact that is what I remember most in my early years...knowing she was always there, always ready to be my playmate, my champion, my Mom.
Growing up- I remember that I was always very clingy to my Mom. I liked to be hugged and kissed and to sit on her lap. I was her "baby" after all and I took full advantage. One of the most poignant memories I have of when I was seven/eight was one evening when I had tried to stay the night at a friend's house, but decided last minute I didn't want to stay. I left a dark cold house, they wanted me to go to sleep at 8, to return to my own, brimming with light, laughter and warmth. I was so glad that my Mom had come back to get me, no questions asked that I sat in her lap and let her stroke my hair. A habit she had when we were little that we loved. I remember being overwhelmed with this desire to stay in that moment forever. I knew in that instant that I didn't want to grow up, that I wanted to be that little girl forever, stay with her forever. I looked at her and said "Mom, I want to stay like this forever." She patiently asked me what I meant and I exposed my fears that I felt like time was slipping by too fast, that I wasn't going to be little enough much longer to sit on her lap. She looked at me with her gorgeous blue eyes, that always have comforted me, and explained that she had felt that way too, that she had told her Mom the same thing years ago, and that even though I would get bigger, I would never be too big to hold. She even said I could sit on her lap when I was forty if I wanted to and she wouldn't mind, because I would always be her baby and time would never change that. She also told me that I needed to grow up though, because one day I would be a Mommy and my child would need to feel loved like I was. I think of that moment a lot at night when I rock my son to sleep and I pray that he one day feels that moment of contentment he could live in as a child. I know that my childhood was blessed because I really would have stayed in that moment. I knew then, as I know now, that my Mom was one of the wonders of my life.
Teen memories- The adolescent years are tough on most mothers and daughters, but truthfully they were unifying times for me and my Mom. We spent a ton of time together in those years, and I learned to appreciate my Mom not only for her unconditional love, but her wit and wisdom. Some of my favorite memories are days that my mom allowed us to take "mental health days." We would get up head to the mall, the movies, or to lunch and the three of us (My Mom, my sister and I) would just talk. We really talked too, about everything from boys, to friends, to what was going on in school, and most importantly about what we felt. I never felt like I was going to say the wrong thing, or have my Mom throw something in my face, because she listened at a time that a young girl needs to feel heard. I listened too...which is probably why I didn't endure as many pitfalls as some of my peers. I knew that what my mom shared with us during this time was always honest, sometimes too honest, and came from a place of love and hope. We were growing up, but she never allowed us to grow apart. I am so awed at how she managed to transverse these years with the patience and understanding she did. It must not have been easy to watch your little girls playing at becoming women. Lord help me when Zach is a teen!
My 20's- Great times, great memories. I was the only one left at home and I took full advantage. My parents and I became great friends and confidants and I know them as people as well as my parents. My Mom and I became as thick as thieves and we realized that we genuinely liked each other as well as loved each other. My mom supported me through a devastating break up, brought me back to myself, she pushed me to open my mind, which is how I ended up with my husband, and she supported me as I took two great strides. First, the day I became a wife, and more recently the day I became a Mom. Both of those moments were complete because she was a part of them. Seriously...I could go for a million years telling you adventures we've been on, funny stories, serious heart to hearts, but I'll restrain myself.
Today- My mother continues to endure as one of the most encompassing forces in my life. I value her guidance, her support and her friendship everyday. She continues to sacrifice of herself and her time, by watching my son for me weekly, and with as much dedication as she gave to us. I am wonder struck that I have a Mom like I do, so giving, and so passionate about her family. I truly hope that 30 years from now, my son looks at me with half of what I feel in my heart for my Mom, because that would be a remarkable achievement. I know that growing up kids love to buy their Mom those cheesy #1 Mom coffee mugs at school, but seriously folks...that spot is already taken, and it always will be, at least in my heart!
I love you Mom...thank you for showing me that love is not the grand gestures but the enduring of time, and that love is not shown in a moment, but in all the little memories of our lives. Happy Mother's Day!
An early memory- I can clearly remember that my Mom loved to play with us. She was always running in the yard with us, enjoying tea parties with my sister and I and make believing the days away. Although the memories blur together I have one that sticks out. When I was around 3 or 4 I was always having nightmares about witches. I don't really know why I was so fixated on them, but I was convinced they lived under my bed and the couches. My room had this Disney characters wallpaper and while is was great in the day, at night all I could see was a million eyes staring at me. I remember that I could call out at anytime and my Mom would come running. She was never angry at me, or called me silly, she was always protective. She would climb in next to me and talk to me gently and tell me that there was nothing to be scared of, she would never let anyone hurt me. I always felt such peace listening to her tell me how no one could get me and that she would always be there. In fact that is what I remember most in my early years...knowing she was always there, always ready to be my playmate, my champion, my Mom.
Growing up- I remember that I was always very clingy to my Mom. I liked to be hugged and kissed and to sit on her lap. I was her "baby" after all and I took full advantage. One of the most poignant memories I have of when I was seven/eight was one evening when I had tried to stay the night at a friend's house, but decided last minute I didn't want to stay. I left a dark cold house, they wanted me to go to sleep at 8, to return to my own, brimming with light, laughter and warmth. I was so glad that my Mom had come back to get me, no questions asked that I sat in her lap and let her stroke my hair. A habit she had when we were little that we loved. I remember being overwhelmed with this desire to stay in that moment forever. I knew in that instant that I didn't want to grow up, that I wanted to be that little girl forever, stay with her forever. I looked at her and said "Mom, I want to stay like this forever." She patiently asked me what I meant and I exposed my fears that I felt like time was slipping by too fast, that I wasn't going to be little enough much longer to sit on her lap. She looked at me with her gorgeous blue eyes, that always have comforted me, and explained that she had felt that way too, that she had told her Mom the same thing years ago, and that even though I would get bigger, I would never be too big to hold. She even said I could sit on her lap when I was forty if I wanted to and she wouldn't mind, because I would always be her baby and time would never change that. She also told me that I needed to grow up though, because one day I would be a Mommy and my child would need to feel loved like I was. I think of that moment a lot at night when I rock my son to sleep and I pray that he one day feels that moment of contentment he could live in as a child. I know that my childhood was blessed because I really would have stayed in that moment. I knew then, as I know now, that my Mom was one of the wonders of my life.
Teen memories- The adolescent years are tough on most mothers and daughters, but truthfully they were unifying times for me and my Mom. We spent a ton of time together in those years, and I learned to appreciate my Mom not only for her unconditional love, but her wit and wisdom. Some of my favorite memories are days that my mom allowed us to take "mental health days." We would get up head to the mall, the movies, or to lunch and the three of us (My Mom, my sister and I) would just talk. We really talked too, about everything from boys, to friends, to what was going on in school, and most importantly about what we felt. I never felt like I was going to say the wrong thing, or have my Mom throw something in my face, because she listened at a time that a young girl needs to feel heard. I listened too...which is probably why I didn't endure as many pitfalls as some of my peers. I knew that what my mom shared with us during this time was always honest, sometimes too honest, and came from a place of love and hope. We were growing up, but she never allowed us to grow apart. I am so awed at how she managed to transverse these years with the patience and understanding she did. It must not have been easy to watch your little girls playing at becoming women. Lord help me when Zach is a teen!
My 20's- Great times, great memories. I was the only one left at home and I took full advantage. My parents and I became great friends and confidants and I know them as people as well as my parents. My Mom and I became as thick as thieves and we realized that we genuinely liked each other as well as loved each other. My mom supported me through a devastating break up, brought me back to myself, she pushed me to open my mind, which is how I ended up with my husband, and she supported me as I took two great strides. First, the day I became a wife, and more recently the day I became a Mom. Both of those moments were complete because she was a part of them. Seriously...I could go for a million years telling you adventures we've been on, funny stories, serious heart to hearts, but I'll restrain myself.
Today- My mother continues to endure as one of the most encompassing forces in my life. I value her guidance, her support and her friendship everyday. She continues to sacrifice of herself and her time, by watching my son for me weekly, and with as much dedication as she gave to us. I am wonder struck that I have a Mom like I do, so giving, and so passionate about her family. I truly hope that 30 years from now, my son looks at me with half of what I feel in my heart for my Mom, because that would be a remarkable achievement. I know that growing up kids love to buy their Mom those cheesy #1 Mom coffee mugs at school, but seriously folks...that spot is already taken, and it always will be, at least in my heart!
I love you Mom...thank you for showing me that love is not the grand gestures but the enduring of time, and that love is not shown in a moment, but in all the little memories of our lives. Happy Mother's Day!
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